DSPAFC 10Bundesliga selection 9
Lohmann, Campellese, Pantonioni, Garrattino, Wolfkaiser, ¡Burrritahh!, Conngiggski, Coweyscatsi, Gizzabaldi , Aderonski, Bunyanson, Grosshopperzurich, Ballsssssterious
The second installment of the meaningless pre-season showboating sessions of these vastly overpaid clothes horses got underway at the Cottages with a training ground altercation spilling over onto the pitch EVEN BEFORE A BALL WAS KICKED. Referee Jorge Satantango sent Gizzabaldi to the sin-bin for dissing his own teammates with expletives which cannot be repeated in this publication. About to blow his whistle the 4th official drew his attention to the lack of pitch markings in the final third. Consternation. When they finally kicked off they did so in style. Norwegian wizard Bunyanson
brought the mystery of the fjords with him as he found space where non-one else could. His exit to inject a painkiller at half-time led to a 3am drugs test at his customised mansion for which he was said to be "unavailable, and shopping". Ballsssssterious was imperious with a Bisto award for Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooallll of the match, while Conngiggski defied gravity, decorum, common sense and geometry with a reverse, outstep, rotational half-bicycle kick into the string bag. Lohmann rewrote the book of match-fitness with a return to the Cottages after a year-long lay
-off to bag a one and a brace of luxury finishes straight out of the showhouse paintjobs catalogue.Referee Jorge Satantango's dismal night was complete when video evidence overruled his decision against Ballssssterious' interpretation of the 'sneaky D' rule which, as Ally Shearer explained "allows the playing of the ball from a standing position outside the D as long as the playing foot does not touch the ground inside the D and the keeper is not being challenged".
Burrittahh! explained how the new ball had assited his performance: "Europass es una bola verdaderamente excelente permitiéndome producir libre-golpea con el pie de una exactitud sin igual en mi carrera hasta la fecha. Doy la bienvenida a su adición al campo de sueños y miro adelante a colocar muchos más de ellos en los goalposts de los opositores de los Dínamos."
Confirming his elevation to director of tactics, following a period on loan, Pantonioni stated
“sono arrivato ad un randello speciale e quando un randello è come questo la vettura diventa una persona supplementare. Non sto dimenticandomi che sono una vettura grande, ma non desidero essere speciale. Michelangelo Pantonioni non è cambiato. È la stessa persona con la stessa ambizione, le stesse motivazioni e con una passione grande per il gioco del calcio. Ha sempre ha desiderato istruire a Londra, possibilmente ad un randello grande. La dinamo Staropremium mi ha dato l'occasione lavorare in una nazione footballing grande come l'Inghilterra. Ciò è una sfida molto importante per me e devo ringraziare i responsabili presenti qui a questa conferenza stampa , in particolare Juande Vamos, per la scelta me”.
The boys were back in town and make no mistake, writes Constantin Conngiggski.
It was a classic in the making before the early doors were opened. It had everything we hoped for, controversy, total football (at times) simulation at regular intervals and a new sphere which was not match-legal.
The game looked doomed from the off. Ballssssssterious, ever eager, called the gaffers office at 7.40 of the PM, was it on?, had we changed stadia? Where were the ladz? My gosh, Keen as Mustard, that’s what we like.
At the kick off Gizzabaldi arrived with multiple spheres and the bibs. However the youth team semis were into extra time, The Ninja-Nintendo DS (Dynamo Staropremium) finally saw off their challengers and we were OFF.
Late changes to the D and a rapid selection from Conngiggski and the rest were up to the athletes on show. What a show it was!!!!!!!
It saw a return of one of the ever present players of last season: Lohmann was back, where would he position himself, would he hold the line, would he venture forward? Hell yes!
The challengers of Tangerine fielded an extra player, but as usual it went unnoticed by all. E
yes for the ball and nothing else, that’s what THIS FOOTBALL CLUB IS ABOUT. They hit the astro running, crisp, high tempo and a sack full of chances missed by the roaming forwards. Early doors Gizzabaldi took the game by the scruff of the neck, meandering through the opposition to tuck away a classic in the sac.
The Dynamos stepped up a gear, into 2nd, I think; the emissions were enough to knock the wind out of their opponents. More glorious chances came and went, the usual.
This game was fought mainly in mid-field, again ping pong stuff, every part of their pumped up bodies were used to defend the bark. But when the chances came their way, the conversion rate was the usual 23.6%. “Not bad, but not great either, it was down to the forwards to get hold of the ball, but it was mainly due to the mid-field passing to themselves and the flanks played their part, which was the way forward. In the end it was they themselves that did the job,” Martin O’ Neil commented while sipping his 10th Margarita at his villa in Ibiza
The sphere which was passed match fit by Satantango pre match was possessed, ending up in the 4th tier on several occasions: it rolled, it dipped, but where were the dimples? FIFA are looking into the situation and a replay seems not out of the question, a possible date being set as early as next Tuesday, pre-Gala dinner. They may have to wait to don their Armani suits till late on the night. Fr Gavin Peacock may have to exorcise the demon from the sphere, but he has scribed a little ditty for Sunday’s sermon to get the ball rolling, (No pun intended, but not bad all the same).
Pavilion talk centred on the usual high jinks: who put toothpaste in my loafers, why are Steps playing on my i-pod, who glued my golf-club cosies to my golf clubs, and who shaved off my eyebrows. My gosh these kids are wild.
Lohmann, having missed the majority of the season, declared himself "amazed" by the progress made in not only ability and speed of the teams, but the acquisitions of the recent past, and all on frees or Bosmans. The accountants must living it up.
Paul Newman return to form vinaigrette award goes to Lohmann.
Colemans keen as Mustard goes to Ballssssterious’ outrageous pull back and whack goal late doors.
Southall headband to Coweyscatsi and his over-the-top pseudo-fumble and bark skimmying keeping.
It was a classic in the making before the early doors were opened. It had everything we hoped for, controversy, total football (at times) simulation at regular intervals and a new sphere which was not match-legal.
The game looked doomed from the off. Ballssssssterious, ever eager, called the gaffers office at 7.40 of the PM, was it on?, had we changed stadia? Where were the ladz? My gosh, Keen as Mustard, that’s what we like.
At the kick off Gizzabaldi arrived with multiple spheres and the bibs. However the youth team semis were into extra time, The Ninja-Nintendo DS (Dynamo Staropremium) finally saw off their challengers and we were OFF.
Late changes to the D and a rapid selection from Conngiggski and the rest were up to the athletes on show. What a show it was!!!!!!!
It saw a return of one of the ever present players of last season: Lohmann was back, where would he position himself, would he hold the line, would he venture forward? Hell yes!
The challengers of Tangerine fielded an extra player, but as usual it went unnoticed by all. E
yes for the ball and nothing else, that’s what THIS FOOTBALL CLUB IS ABOUT. They hit the astro running, crisp, high tempo and a sack full of chances missed by the roaming forwards. Early doors Gizzabaldi took the game by the scruff of the neck, meandering through the opposition to tuck away a classic in the sac.The Dynamos stepped up a gear, into 2nd, I think; the emissions were enough to knock the wind out of their opponents. More glorious chances came and went, the usual.
This game was fought mainly in mid-field, again ping pong stuff, every part of their pumped up bodies were used to defend the bark. But when the chances came their way, the conversion rate was the usual 23.6%. “Not bad, but not great either, it was down to the forwards to get hold of the ball, but it was mainly due to the mid-field passing to themselves and the flanks played their part, which was the way forward. In the end it was they themselves that did the job,” Martin O’ Neil commented while sipping his 10th Margarita at his villa in Ibiza
The sphere which was passed match fit by Satantango pre match was possessed, ending up in the 4th tier on several occasions: it rolled, it dipped, but where were the dimples? FIFA are looking into the situation and a replay seems not out of the question, a possible date being set as early as next Tuesday, pre-Gala dinner. They may have to wait to don their Armani suits till late on the night. Fr Gavin Peacock may have to exorcise the demon from the sphere, but he has scribed a little ditty for Sunday’s sermon to get the ball rolling, (No pun intended, but not bad all the same).
Pavilion talk centred on the usual high jinks: who put toothpaste in my loafers, why are Steps playing on my i-pod, who glued my golf-club cosies to my golf clubs, and who shaved off my eyebrows. My gosh these kids are wild.
Lohmann, having missed the majority of the season, declared himself "amazed" by the progress made in not only ability and speed of the teams, but the acquisitions of the recent past, and all on frees or Bosmans. The accountants must living it up.
Paul Newman return to form vinaigrette award goes to Lohmann.
Colemans keen as Mustard goes to Ballssssterious’ outrageous pull back and whack goal late doors.
Southall headband to Coweyscatsi and his over-the-top pseudo-fumble and bark skimmying keeping.
Marmite PotM to Grosshopperzurich.
The likely replay to be announced in the local rags, so be prepared.
“If they can play to this level for the replay we will have a Hum Dinger of a game” (Motty).
The likely replay to be announced in the local rags, so be prepared.
“If they can play to this level for the replay we will have a Hum Dinger of a game” (Motty).
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