Makkapakka's FC 20 20 stun Dynamos

Dynamo Staropremium AFC 5
FC 20 20 7

Champions League quarter final first leg

This was one headline the pundits had already written. Makkapakka MacClaren's return at the helm of FC 20 20 to the Arena where he propelled the Dynamos to dizzy heights before it went down to the wire, having gone pear-shaped and a bit inclement and umbrella-ish. 'Shteve' wazh back. And it szhowed. At teh post-match press conference at the pavilion the former England supremo was in fine form. "Out of the blocksh comes Garrattino, shigned on loan during the transhfer window. Mr Shprucie, Mr Shteve Bruchie I mean, combined with Shparky, defensh combined with attack; attacking from defensh, Garrattino covered all the anglezh and all the phazhes and all the partsh of the park tonight, Shtepoverzh, runzh, tacklessh, and goalsssh, wonderful goalssh, each one conshtructed in a shed, ash if in a shed. Thish one a twisht and shout, a la Turnbulletin, thish one a shcoopy-doopy one, like an aish cream cone. And sucssh passhes, releasshed at optimum timing for hish forwardsh to shcore. A masheterclassh."

Bonitas on brink as Dynamos scrape together crumbs of the 'Larry effect'

Dynamo Staropremium AFC 7
Luverpuddle 5

Rafa Bonitas came to the Arena last night with the press having a field day with talk of Luvvapuddle’s jitters. Dynamos supremo Larry Bednapp fielded a full-strength team with talismanic front-man Tim ‘Albie’ Cahillisto at his Cahillistest. Crowd trouble marred the early part of the game with Gizzabaldi taunting the Luvvapuddle following for not throwing the ball back for a throw-in. Luvvapuddle looked far from rudderless; on the contrary, with Telesavalas Rudder filling the gap left by the departure of Kinokeano, they streamed through the middle, leaving Waddolucci’s allotments intact. The lack of a natural target man however, of a Joe Jordan or an Emile Heskey meant that they were, errr...lacking something. Sandersoni’s return promised a galvanised midfield. With nothing to separate the teams at 3-3, Bednapp threw on Norwegian wizard Bunyanson. What a master-stroke. Soon enough the mystery of the fjords was at work and the Dynamos carved open Liverpuddle’s defence to run out 7-5 victors. Allie Hansen praised the “unbelievable defending from Coweyscatsi and Garrattino...I know the phrase top-drawer is overused but this was unbelievable, and as for Stevie D and Campellese in midfield. When their engines are running like they were tonight the Dynamos are untouchable”. “Rafa’s going to regret having sold Robbie Kinkeano, and if he ends up Rudderless too, with Larry Bednapp keen to take the lad back down to Dynamostaropremium, then it’ll be curtains on the title race” commented Jan Mölby back at the pavilion. “With the Dynamos now 7 points clear at the top, Bonitas’ Luvvapuddle have a lot to do. But this is big football club and with Rafa’s beard in great shape who knows what can happen. I wouldn’t be surprised to see this one go down to the wire” added Makkapakka Maclaren, whose FC 20 visit the Arena for next week’s European cash-cow borefest.

Scalori woe deepens as Camberwell routed by reborn Dynamos

Dynamo Staropremium AFC 7

Camberwell Utd 1

Papa Scalori, having made the trip south of the river to his new club, got a taste of tough love administered by the resurgent Dynamos. Having trousered large wads of almost worthless British pound notes (in denominations of 10 and higher) in his departure from the Bridge the gnomic Brazilian supremo failed to rally the relegation troubled Camberwell in this stirring derby fixture. Larry Bednapp's many re-signings flourished in the expanded allotments made available by the substitution of Waddoluci (who, in the merry-go-round of this year's Premiership, found himself resold to Camberwell having just been signed back by Bednapp the week before). Bednapp couldn't resist a swipe at Wolfkaiser however. Having seen the ex-Bayern legend fluff a gilt-edged opportunity early doors the japester quipped "it's not rocket science is it? Or braintraining DS. Or golf. No. It's a bloody game of football. " Highlights included a fracas in the wide areas involving Grosshopperzurich, Norwegian wizard Bunyanson and Conngiggski, a long distance hi-velocity toepoke by the first Premiership player to be known only by his domain name, www.misterwhippa, a fine strike by Burritahhh!, a late Coweyscatsi wonderstrike that rebounded off the bark and an altercation between off-field brothers-in-law Bunyanson and Canwinjones. Referee Jorge Satantanago had to step in to extract the former's elbow from the latter's ribcage. That Bunyanson escaped with a mere yellow is testament to his continued use of the mystery of the fjords in his inscrutable play. Following the consultation of video evidence referee Jorge Satantango reinstated the disallowed volleyed goal by Conngiggski, invoking the "sneaky D" rule for Gizzabaldi's cross. "There's an argument for using video evidence in cases like this" opined Andy Townsend. "Err, Andy they're already using it, wake up sunshine", replied Hansen back at the pavilion. Father Gavin Peacock attributed the improvements at the Arena to the guidance of Bednapp. "Larry's won the dressing room over. This is a big club". Seven goals were not enough for the Dynamos supremo however. "The showboating around the D was shameful. A bloody disgrace to this football club. Wait till I get them on the training ground on Monday".

Dynamos succumb to snows

Bednapp re-signs Waddolucci, Campellese and Coweyscatsi

Larry Bednapp completed his sensational resigning of a further 3 players sold by Juande Vamos before the festive season. This brings to a total of 9 the players who have made the journey back to the Arena during the transfer window. All are expected to make their second Dynamos debut next Monday. "This leaves us out of pocket by a few large ones but not so much as to worry her indoors" commented the irrepressible Dynamos supremo.

Bednapp does pieces as Vamos’ leftovers go stale

Dynamo Staropremium AFC 6

Peckhamwoodpeckercider AFC 9

Prompted by a return last week to reporting on the Dynamos via the world of fashion, it is high time these gifted players had their contributions to the beautiful game celebrated again in these pixels. The crunch top of the table local derby fixture against arch rivals was one to savour. How would Larry Bednapp cope with the dip in form displayed by the Dynamos after he replaced Juande Vamos earlier in the season? Would he solve the 'Lampard-Gerrard' riddle of the midfield – how to combine the ex-Bayern legend Wolfkaiser and Norwegian wizard Buynyanson? How would Telesavalas Rudder and Gilesinho combine upfront – the 'Drogba-Anelka' dilemma? Where to deploy Conngiggskï – in the hole or in the wide areas (the 'Robbie Keane' question)? How would the petulant winger react to being played out of position? “Toys out of the pram or content with his Playmobil? - the gaffer’s got to tread carefully with this overpaid clothes horse” opined Ally McCoist. Wunderkind Campellese showed no signs of fatigue on his return to the Arena. All the pieces of the puzzle were there. But instead of fashioning a splendid picture of the modern attacking game at its finest Bednapp simply “did his pieces” on the touchline while the team fell apart. Mind you the bark played its part at both ends tonight, being struck a total of 27 times.

Their opponents played a high line led by former Perth Plasmas front-man Callisto. El Darrylinho bossed the midfield, with Garrattino supplying essential stepovers. Gizzabaldi had a few fresh air shots and Sam Canwinjones (subject of rumours that the Dynamos want to sign him) clipped the ball over the keeper for a fine goal. Turnbulletin had a free role and made use of it with several of his trademark belters into the sac d’oignons. There was no place on the bench for several new signings and products of the youth academy. “Look I’m not saying my milkman would have done better out there tonight than this lot, and I am sending out a mish-mash team with Ricardo Sandersoni out on the tiles tonight and Burritahhh!!! off sick, Al Kinghali on paternity leave, Coweyscatsi, Grosshopperzurich and Waddolucci all unavailable. If I could sign back all the players Juande Vamos sold – Gilesihno, Turnbulletin, El Darrylihno, Garrattino, Gizzabaldi – I am not going to say that I wouldn’t want these players at this football club. I’m not going to say that. And I am not going to say I wouldn’t sign Callisto or Canwinjones, these are players that do a job for Sammy Smallerdice at Peckhamwoodpeckercider. I’d sign the whole bloody lot of them,” Larry Bednapp stated in his post-match interview back at the pavilion. “I’ll tell you one thing though, these bloody pizzas are bloody marvellous,” he added.

Bundesliga fashion

The long silence since our last post has had to be broken. It took a thing of wonder to rekindle our desire to communicate with the hinternet from the wide areas. Then the moment arrived. Our own Wolfkaiser unearthed a gem from the vaults. A thing of rare beauty.

"I think we need to sit down and discuss what lessons we at Dynamo Staropremium AFC need to learn, I think we all agree that in the light of these pictures we cannot go on in the way we were" commented the ex-Bayern legend.

He sends us this clip from the respected Saturday night sports show "Das Sportstudio" on ZDF (equivalent to BBC2). "We see veteran anchorman Hans Joachim Friedrichs with Günter Netzer and a colour psychologist who had a few ideas on how to redesign the bundesliga team kits. Ok, sit down, lean back and be amazed", continued the midfield ace:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ji6r7J6L2bk

Derkaiser adds that there are a number of remixes of this clip about. He selects this one for special commendation:

German Soccer Fashion Dance remix