Bonitas on brink as Dynamos scrape together crumbs of the 'Larry effect'

Dynamo Staropremium AFC 7
Luverpuddle 5

Rafa Bonitas came to the Arena last night with the press having a field day with talk of Luvvapuddle’s jitters. Dynamos supremo Larry Bednapp fielded a full-strength team with talismanic front-man Tim ‘Albie’ Cahillisto at his Cahillistest. Crowd trouble marred the early part of the game with Gizzabaldi taunting the Luvvapuddle following for not throwing the ball back for a throw-in. Luvvapuddle looked far from rudderless; on the contrary, with Telesavalas Rudder filling the gap left by the departure of Kinokeano, they streamed through the middle, leaving Waddolucci’s allotments intact. The lack of a natural target man however, of a Joe Jordan or an Emile Heskey meant that they were, errr...lacking something. Sandersoni’s return promised a galvanised midfield. With nothing to separate the teams at 3-3, Bednapp threw on Norwegian wizard Bunyanson. What a master-stroke. Soon enough the mystery of the fjords was at work and the Dynamos carved open Liverpuddle’s defence to run out 7-5 victors. Allie Hansen praised the “unbelievable defending from Coweyscatsi and Garrattino...I know the phrase top-drawer is overused but this was unbelievable, and as for Stevie D and Campellese in midfield. When their engines are running like they were tonight the Dynamos are untouchable”. “Rafa’s going to regret having sold Robbie Kinkeano, and if he ends up Rudderless too, with Larry Bednapp keen to take the lad back down to Dynamostaropremium, then it’ll be curtains on the title race” commented Jan Mölby back at the pavilion. “With the Dynamos now 7 points clear at the top, Bonitas’ Luvvapuddle have a lot to do. But this is big football club and with Rafa’s beard in great shape who knows what can happen. I wouldn’t be surprised to see this one go down to the wire” added Makkapakka Maclaren, whose FC 20 visit the Arena for next week’s European cash-cow borefest.

Scalori woe deepens as Camberwell routed by reborn Dynamos

Dynamo Staropremium AFC 7

Camberwell Utd 1

Papa Scalori, having made the trip south of the river to his new club, got a taste of tough love administered by the resurgent Dynamos. Having trousered large wads of almost worthless British pound notes (in denominations of 10 and higher) in his departure from the Bridge the gnomic Brazilian supremo failed to rally the relegation troubled Camberwell in this stirring derby fixture. Larry Bednapp's many re-signings flourished in the expanded allotments made available by the substitution of Waddoluci (who, in the merry-go-round of this year's Premiership, found himself resold to Camberwell having just been signed back by Bednapp the week before). Bednapp couldn't resist a swipe at Wolfkaiser however. Having seen the ex-Bayern legend fluff a gilt-edged opportunity early doors the japester quipped "it's not rocket science is it? Or braintraining DS. Or golf. No. It's a bloody game of football. " Highlights included a fracas in the wide areas involving Grosshopperzurich, Norwegian wizard Bunyanson and Conngiggski, a long distance hi-velocity toepoke by the first Premiership player to be known only by his domain name, www.misterwhippa, a fine strike by Burritahhh!, a late Coweyscatsi wonderstrike that rebounded off the bark and an altercation between off-field brothers-in-law Bunyanson and Canwinjones. Referee Jorge Satantanago had to step in to extract the former's elbow from the latter's ribcage. That Bunyanson escaped with a mere yellow is testament to his continued use of the mystery of the fjords in his inscrutable play. Following the consultation of video evidence referee Jorge Satantango reinstated the disallowed volleyed goal by Conngiggski, invoking the "sneaky D" rule for Gizzabaldi's cross. "There's an argument for using video evidence in cases like this" opined Andy Townsend. "Err, Andy they're already using it, wake up sunshine", replied Hansen back at the pavilion. Father Gavin Peacock attributed the improvements at the Arena to the guidance of Bednapp. "Larry's won the dressing room over. This is a big club". Seven goals were not enough for the Dynamos supremo however. "The showboating around the D was shameful. A bloody disgrace to this football club. Wait till I get them on the training ground on Monday".

Dynamos succumb to snows

Bednapp re-signs Waddolucci, Campellese and Coweyscatsi

Larry Bednapp completed his sensational resigning of a further 3 players sold by Juande Vamos before the festive season. This brings to a total of 9 the players who have made the journey back to the Arena during the transfer window. All are expected to make their second Dynamos debut next Monday. "This leaves us out of pocket by a few large ones but not so much as to worry her indoors" commented the irrepressible Dynamos supremo.