Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Title race goes down to wire as 'Specials sink Dynamos

Claptonspecialbrew Athletic 10

Dynamostaropremium AFC 5

Following this setback to his team's title hopes, Dynamos supremo Larry Bednapp refused to back down in his spat with the national team coach over the status of Telesavalas Rudder’s knee. Rudderless tonight the Dynamos floundered and fell 5 goals behind early doors. The home side played exhibition football approaching arrogant levels of showboating in the early stages. Tweaks to the rules regarding high balls continued to cause a degree of confusion not least in the mind of referee Jorge Satantango. Gizzabaldi was cautioned for throwing the ball into the face of Burritahhh!!!! while Canwinjones was lucky not to see red for a tackle on Cahillisto. A late rally by the Dynamos got them back to 7-5 with Garrattino scoring the goal of the match with a run from his own goal-line followed by a stepover and a showboating finish inspired by Grafite of Wolfsberg (isn't it?) in their 5-1 demolition of Bayern Munich a few days earlier (see link below). Cahillisto found his range again with a top-drawer turn to score from 25 yards. Gilesinho and Al Kinghali however both had a bit of an ‘Alves’. “It was a game of two Alves tonight Gary” opined Andy Townsend. “Alves 1 and Alves 2”. Garth Crooks put the quip to the strikers . Gilesinho said he "would take it in his stride. I can take a lot of positives out of this one". Al Kinghali vowed to "let my feet do the talking, and anyway Andy Townsend has been waiting all season to try this one on. Bad puns won't hurt a player of my caliber. I refuse to stoop to his level".

Goal of the season?:

http://www.redbalcony.com/?vid=24700

Friday, April 3, 2009

Italian influence restores fantazia to the Arena


Dynamo Staropremium AFC 12

Colors of Benetton Utd 4

Flavio Acapella’s decision to adopt Trapattoni’s catenaccio philosophy backfired spectacularly at the Arena tonight. The door may indeed have been bolted but the key was left in the possession of the opposition. After the match many, including Jan Hoganfemimartins returning after a lean spell on Merseyside, called for a shortening of the pitch, with the players remaining where they stood – the only way to defend against Garrattino tonight being to exclude him from the field of play entirely. His years in Serie A paid dividends with a double ‘hat-trick’ and an extra one just to be sure. For the visitors the spectre of the Lampard-Gerrard debate was once again haunting the middle of the park. Norwegian wizard Bunyanson and Wolfkaiser did not cohere in a manner befitting their...coherence. Canwinjones rampaged forward but skyed two balls in quick succession. Gilesinho was expert at drawing the defenders, “the only problem was he kept going back to colour them in” as Coweyscatsi later observed in a post-match interview. Conngiggski patrolled the edge of the D with his characteristic Berbatovian sulk but, to his credit, scored one of his soufflĂ©-assisted volleys. Cahillisto played in the hole but not even he could dig out the onions to fill the Dynamostaropremium sack which was kept tightly closed by the legendary El gato, Coweyscatsi. And so to the Dynamos: in the words of Trapattoni this was football as Fantazia. Building themselves astride Al Kinghali’s channel down the left flank, new signing Tomar Shavin combined with Gizzabaldi and Campellese to feed the premiership’s new striking partnership Garrattino and Pantonioni. No sooner had they served up an anti-pasti of selected cured meats than the hungry forwards demanded a primo, segundo and so on through a 12-course menu of mouthwatering football finishing. Starved of such sustenance throughout the match, back at the pavilion Bunyanson reflected over his pizza on the part played by facial hair in the Dynamos’ victory. Pantonioni’s newly grown and expansive set of handlebar beardlets seemed to have given him an edge up-front, stabilising the Italian legend and restoring a centre of gravity believed to have been mislaid during the 2001-2 Champions League campaign. He added his fears concerning Gizzabaldi’s beard, expressing the hope that he would not adopt an ear-to-ear ‘smeard’ (smile-beard), as the combination would be overwhelming. As befits a match graced by Tomar Arshavin the post-match analysis was dominated by metaphors from the world of fashion. “The shirts of Colors of Benetton Utd are just all over the place. Unbullievable” said Ally Hansen.

Bovril PotM went to Garratino

Ahh Bisto!! goal of the match: Gizzabaldi (subject to investigation by FIFA)

The Southall: Coweyscatsi