Friday, June 27, 2008

Italians take cold comfort in Pond

DSPAFC 14

Serie A Selection 12



Garrattino, Roperaroo, El Darrylinho, Conngiggski, Hoganfemimartins, Coweyscatsi, Gizzabaldi , Al Kinghali, Aderonski, Ballssssterious, Bunyani, Campellese, Timhenmanson

Euro 2008? Those fortunate enough to remind themselves that events in Switzerland and Austria were only one version of high quality football available to view in June were rewarded this evening with a barnstorming fixture that harkened back to former times. Wingers were deployed old skool, while the overlapping right and left backs couldn't escape anyone's attention. Sparky Garrattino rattled the bark three times while borrowing the onion sack for his exclusive use during a three goal jamboree that sent the pundits in pursuit of superlatives. Keeping the line high seemed to be the tactical choice of Pantonioni. What a come down however as Aderonski bossed the edge of the D like young Woodcock in his pomp. Ballssssterious put the sphere on his instep. What's this?, the players asked: he only goes and sends it inside-outside and threads it through to the wide area where who do you see popping up to hit it straightonthevalve into the back of the net but Ballssssterious himself. Muted. That was the word on everyone's lips as Coweyscatsi turned on a sixpence to score a quality goal . Conngiggski skipping down the sideline, isn't it? Oh there's a fine cross. And its Hoganfemimartins to pounce on it. Well by jayvvur he's skyed it! Fortune was in for the Dynamos and there he soon was, testing the mesh with a series of strikes that sends the goal tally sky high. Golden boot?

What, there is Campellese displaying what they call 'quick feet, a great first touch, just takes it past the right back and passes it past the advancing keeper'. That's a goal to cherish he seems to say to himself. Here's a chap who won't stand for a shimmying fly-by-night. No: Roperaroo dispenses with the onward forays of the Dynamos like a dose of smelling salts snuffs out an untimely swoon. Take that he seems to say as he awakens the stepover merchant of the Dynamo colours and sends him packing into the Bovril advertisement board. And the new signing Bunynani is staking a claim on the coveted outside right position. Here's Al Kinghali, nursing a bandaged rib: and call me a courgette but he's taken one in the ribcage as the relentless goalward orientations of the Dynamos will not hear of relenting. With the free 'strikers' of the modern game so much in evidence - El Darrylinho and Conngiggski in particular - this was one over which the pundits might argue. There was no denying the pluses which both teams took out of this however as they competed for selection at next week's fixture.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Non-leaguers unveil Teddy as Dynamos phone in their parts


Diamondencrusted Manbags 9
DSPAFC 11
Well readers, what can I say? It was the usual sort of thing with some unusual elements. Some showboating from the 14 year old debut boy W. Arushavin did not distract the more seasoned pros who delivered their usual mixture of the ridiculous and the sublime. Michelangelo Pantonioni is fined a week's wages for missing the match to watch Italy.
Constantin Congiggski is busy

Gala dinner + Aderonski testimonial


There has been a proposal to hold the end of season gala dinner at the pavilion on Tuesday July 1. Chalk it down on the tactics blackboard or debate among yourselves or in private. Does it work for you?
In addition, King Sunny Ade Aderonski's testimonial will be on the 15th. He's looking for a big turnout. Don't disappoint the man who brought us to the Arena.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Dynamos flirt with move north of the border

Gretna Reserves 6
DSPAFC 9

Att. 2,219

Garrattino, Roperaroo, Wolfkaiser, ¡Burrritahh!
Darrylinho, Conngiggski, Hoganfemimartins, Coweyscatsi, Gizzabaldi , Waddolucci, Turnbulletin, Di Parma, Al Kinghali, Aderonski, Ballssssterious

It was a classic before a sphere was struck and make no mistake. It was seen as a platform for our sorry lads, left out in the cold during the Euros, to show the fans something special.

After last week’ s Champions final these athletes took to the field like their massive salaries depended on it. Transfer window was wide open, even the conservatory door was ajar. Oh my word it was ON!

The gaffer for tonight - with Dynamos supremo Juande Vamos on holiday - rallied his troops through his trusty, retro mobile, he had a plan in how to approach the match and the team-sheet was ever present in his experienced mind. The three S’s were to play a massive part in tonight’s game, Scoopin’, Stepovers and Simulation.

The formation was crazy, some thought, risky others stated and downright unique. An 8 v 7 formation was called for. This had been used in the training ground but never on a stage of this size. What, How, Where and Who, just some of the shouts which could be heard rumbling around the near capacity crowd. Speaking of which, we encountered some trouble with some wannabee pros, stealing the Bark from the new stadium. Some of the brave pros approached the cheeky chappies pre match but the fear of injury to the kidz, were it to erupt, ended with mere manbags and an old school bark being used instead, more of which later.

The groundsman hurried around pre match to re-mark the D, just in time for kick off, and it was a fine one at that. It was tight and tactics were implemented for the good of the game. A novel 1-2-4-1 seemed to be the way forward for the battle. These seasoned pros looked out of sorts early doors, ping pong football was all that was on offer until they got hold of their shape. Roughly 2mins into the game and the nerves were settled and normality resumed.
Hoganfemimartins striding through the defence, unleashed a blistering shot from the right, Waddolucci looked on in disbelief, David James-like, Thwack, off the upper bark, it skyed a good 32ft before landing on the meat of Conngiggskï’s shooting boot. He had totally unnecessarily leaped a good 3inches in the air to collect the gift from the clouds, Smack in the back of the Sack. UEFA are looking into interference from low flying air craft , the use of wires to enable the big lump to lift off and stimulants. The latter being called into play mainly due to his arrival in Lee”the E” Sharp’s baby Bentley. Tabloid talk, but an opinion all the same.

As usual the numbers did not match the numbers of the scoreboard, there was as little between these two sides as there was space to move on the turf.
It was tight, my gosh it was. The coaching from either side was notable, frustrations spilled over early in the first half, both Gizzabaldi and Wolfkaiser screechin’ and gnarlin’ along with Turnbulletin’s stroppin’. It was great fun to watch, but not to be on the receiving end of.
The tangerines were on self destruct, or were they????

With a goal advantage and a player advantage, the usual happened, a draw was drawing closer. Goals were scarce until the 17th minute, top drawer goals from Di Parma and Turbulletin, and the inevitable scorcher which gave the green light for the relieved John Motson in the booth, (who has been practising his South American celebration, ) Gooooooooooaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllll Buuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrreeeeetaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-a-a-a-a-a!!!! It was contested for the full 90.
Late doors saw many controversial calls from the ever inconsistent refereee, Jorge Satantango. Conngiggskï tallied up 3 fouls, the highest of the season, all of which were followed by hollers of “diving fat bastard”, “Didier, Didier” and the usual bitchin’ you expect from athletes in his own team. "He went over like a wet soda bread", observed El Darrylinho back at the pavilion where the pundits enoyed the clement night air.

As mentioned coaching was of the highest order, “there were so many back doors it was a cat burglar's dream” commented a breathless Aderonskï quizzed by Garth Crooks on the touchline. However the set pieces were a complete shambles, the training ground work followed Turnbulletin’s skyed balls to the body shop along with a Ford Fiesta, Renault Scenic and Lee Sharp’s Bentley. Total cost estimated £35k.

Buffon (ITA) like goal keeping was on display all night, none more so than Gizzabaldi’s perhaps exaggerated yet effective dive to his left; goal bound it was and save of the game - all that was missing was a carefully placed black neck scarf and he was looking good to go.

Pesto Near miss award has to go to Roperaroo, a mountain of a man in defence, he looked like Steve Bruce in his day, striding forward to unleash a cannon ball; this one hit the bark and moved the whole weighted onion holder a record 7 inches from the goal-line. It could have, it should have, if only we had the proper goals????? Conspiracy? I think so.

It ended with a score; it ended with an embrace; it was a success; let’s just see how many of these money hungry ladz are here next week and how many have been poached. Then again this is football and this is the modern game. "You feel for the players tonight Gary, not at the Euros, stuck on the bus with their nintendo DS's, up here to do their bit, giving a bit back, but at the end of the day this football club's about giving in every dimension, in every department, and you've got to hand it to the stand-in gaffer tonight for keeping on giving so that the Dynamos could keep on giving with interest until the final whistle. And that's not the end of them. They'll be back next week. When will this stop!? Please...can I go now?," commented Fr. Gavin Peacock.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Dynamos claim double over arch rivals

DSPAFC 14
Colors of Benetton Utd. 11

Champions League Final

Garrattino, Roperaroo, Wolfkaiser, Pantonioni, Stanistrøm, ¡Burrritahh!

Darrylinho, Conngiggski, Hoganfemimartins, Coweyscatsi, Gizzabaldi
Att. 68,343



At the Parc des Princes stadium the Dynamos saw off the challenge of Utd. with new signing Anders Stanistrøm making an immediate impact with a 25.7 metre drive which knocked the Benetton bark 12 centimetres off the goal-line. The rest of the game was conducted in the usual manner, with a combination of side-to-side, end-to-end, roundabout and so on and so forth hi-vis hi-jinks. In the end it was the final word of Fr. Gavin Peacock which summed up the game and the season: "let's just say I'm not short on material for my first season of sermons, and with this lot vowing to continue to play throughout the close season and to take their brand of unclassifiable football to whoever will have them, and then threatening to return next season with old reliables back from injury and the whole raft of new signings and academy graduates with which Dynamos supremo Juande Vamos has delighted home fans in recent months, I have high hopes that I'll be able to continue to comment cryptically on their performance. I remain available for any testimonial fixtures the Dynamos might be planning, but with a squad just coming to maturity that probably won't be any time soon. Give us a buzz because you have definitely pressed all the right buttons on the field of play this season. A fitting end to a momentous season, Gary."