Touch-tight on the night

Readers, readers, readers: what a scrumptious event last Monday was for all who were witness to the wonders of DSPAFC. Those who were absent, for varying degrees of legitimacy (Coweyscatsi and Darrylinho on international duty), missed a corker. It almost blew the top off the Enjoyometer scale (TM Waddo). My gosh it was a thing of beauty.

It started with an air of pent up frustration on the part of the first recipient of the first Bovril award A. Woolard-Aderonski, calling his charges to the “pitch of passions” and basically making sure who knew who was boss on the touch-line. With the air of the Scottish wizard Mr Strachan, he was bellowing abuse (with a smile) to the pitch-huggers of the 7o’clock slot. Through the use of the fool-proof method of encroachment he got his point across. Soon they were like mere mice as they realised the kings of the field were limbered up, in record time, a full 1 min 20.
The athletes took to the field, making it their own once more. It was ON.
The arrival times were “not too bad” (Anon) and just as the chaps practised their intended skills for the showdown, again the DSPAFC squad and the visiting wannabees were baffled by the Bibs or the lack thereof. The selectors had decided to again move the goalposts (more of which later). No bibs but a new selection process, Colours of choice was re-instated. This may be temporary but one thing is for sure, the teams are forever on their toes and so it should be for these seasoned sports-folk. There is only so much a competitive bout of Suduko can do for you. The numbers, reduced due to varying reasons (more of which later!!!) took to the turf with a novel 4 v 5 attack-minded formation. The Whites or off whites v the darker topped fellas. The match was captivating from the off and we had a thrilling encounter which swung in roundabouts as the doughty 4 held their own. It was touch-tight for the first half - “the congestion in mid-field was so evident that it should have been charged” (Mr Livingstone) - and the numerical advantage did not prove true in terms of scoreline. There was banter on the field and a more generous display of making full use of the players around them, a more rounded display one could say. The wide areas once more played a part with Lohmann in particular ghosting in from the right to devastating effect. The showboating of the first half of the Five would change after the blowdrying and hair sculpture treatment of the half time chat. Der Kaiser was not content with the un-climactic (and indeed unclimatic too) sexy football of his peeps and, as Hoddle is my witness, they were quick off the blocks after the interval.

The gaffer’s “maturing pine sapling/telescopic” legs were making a menace of themselves to his opponents. The timing, the positioning, the sheer length were a wonder to all, as the limbs extended, wound themselves round the hapless challenger’s shin, and retracted with the ball seemingly adhesively fixed to the extremity. A faultless display and yet he was again linking with the front men to grab his glory, a highlight being a swerving drive from 30 yards which cannoned off the bar.

Word on the Tabloid street suggests a little tension building with the backroom staff (notably the Bibmeister), in regards to the defence or lack thereof. The team worked beautifully with the Five forming a novel circular/spiral formation which rotated to absorb the opponents in a series of carefully positioned ‘black-holes’. Some had aged considerably when they ‘returned’ from the space-time folds, while others were visibly rejuvenated. Either way this was mind-bending football of the highest order (as Der Kaiser and Roperaroo later explained to the pavilion it is a matter of mathematics, or physics, and the exact amount of contraction of the calf muscle at the time of impact is vital). Each player working off eachother and being accountable for their actions. But let’s not forget the formidable four. What a display, what engines, what a contest! The four off whites played a determined and challenging game and although heavy legs and being a man down could be viewed as excuses, they fought tooth and nail to the final clunk of the lights.

The highs they can take away from this night are too many to mention. However the man of the night was, by unanimous pavilion decision, G. Gilesinhio for his overall determination, goals and turning, which transformed what many envisaged as a “men against boys” or “guinea pigs against guinea pigs” contest into a thrilling “water fowl versus gerbils” match. He showed form and determination and the Bovril M/PotM is rightly his. As mentioned on MotD 2, by Gavin Peacock, he had the 3A’s. Advancement, Awareness and Ability. It’s so true.

Goal of the match had to be Garrattelli's balletic twist and strike which hit the net with aplomb. Gizzabaldi appeared to have shaken off his roving thigh/calf strain and, despite spending most of the match on his rear-end, was eager to get his name on the score-sheet, even seizing upon the absence of Turnbulletino to convert a penalty kick. He rather undid this good work by providing an audible commentary for what he was sure was going to be his third from a beautifully weighted threaded pass by Gilesinho before skying it as he completed the final syllable of his accompanying bon mots.

Conngiggski took his scoring tally to dizzying heights with a triple-brace and will be duly awarded his sticker at next week's pre-match presentation.
Kingchelskis was a battler in the challenge who later in the pavilion worried about his over indulgent Joey Bartonesque challenges. A series of mazy runs down the flanks had the 4 strewn about the final third like surprised cockroaches mesmerised by overhead pina coladas.

P.S. I am delighted to announce on behalf of “Marmite Fair Play inc”, we presently stand proudly in pole position in the league. The only fouls conceded or claimed over the months have been variations of transgressions of the high ball or D rules. “Go DSPAFC!!!”
Bring on Monday where we welcome a new signing. Coaxed back into the limelight of top-flight football is the Grey Wizard (not Ravenelli), veteran of Cliftonville FC and Glentoran FC and one-time back page headline grabber of the Belfast Telegraph, K. Da Silva-Fox . Watch this space!!!!