Players see darkly through transfer window

Well readers it seems to one and all that the transfer window has had an effect on all of DSPAFC and Monday night showed it in all its crystal clear double glazing glory. It was again a treat for all ages and one which will be remembered for an age.
A lot can happen in a week of the funny old game and this week was no exception. Not only were the numbers reversed, a 5v6 to a 6v5, but the teams ended up staring themselves in the mirror as through a glass darkly. We had a game not of two halves but of two weeks, with the core of DSPAFC’s first choice players of last week now signed for Colors of Benetton Utd and vice-versa. They say in football that a week is a long time. Well double that and here is what you get. Not that it lasted that long.

After the blog-ollocking which the team received via the internet from DSPAFC supremo Makkapakka McClaren, last week, the full squad made a much bigger impact not only on the hallowed turf, but in their timekeeping. At the time of the off, we were nearly off. It was ON!

There was a keenness about these athletes which some believe had been absent in recent times. Sure they look the part in their new kit, python-skin boots and the rest (not to mention Al Kinghali’s fetching scarf) but this week they played their part too. Eyes were focused. Their feet were another matter, but the warm up was bright and positive, wise-cracking, back-slapping and repartee straight out of the top drawer.

Despite Tabloid talk of possible point deduction and the administrators being called in, we welcomed back the player-team-treasurer Aderonskï, from a self-inflicted injury, sustained, some say, while fighting his way out of the club’s financial difficulties. He brought back not only his banter and skills, but also the piggy bank to which he has received several donations for the future survival of the club. (All donations have been passed on to the financial director and have been made for the sole purpose of the survival and development of the club).

The match itself was lively even before the off. Gizzabaldi picking his peeps for the game and taking on the complexities of selection for a 5v6 encounter. Colors of Benetton Utd v the Bibbers DSPAFC. As with last week the underdogs took the lead early doors, despite them being a player down. The windows of opportunity were numerous and they seemed to take each one in their stride. As the window analogy strained, the keeper rolled up his sleeves and got out his squeegie. He sprayed some windowlene passes and the vision in midfield greatly improved, while the strikers popped out of velux windows all over the final third to cause the Utd defence to open like a set of concertina doors, allowing their leaded stained glass window of a goal to be peppered with 5 in the first 23mins.

Memories of their demise from last week returned to these seasoned pros and they battened down the hatches for the torrent of attack which we all knew was forecast. Roperaroo had been preparing this cold front all week and as he unleashed a 25 yard screamer from the flanks DSPAFC knew there was going to be a storm to weather in the second half. When Gizzabaldi took over the gloves after the interval things took a turn for the worse. Through Cowescatsi and Gilesinho’s formidable Keegan n’ Tosh/Torvill and Dean/Archibald and... erm...Jones two-pronged attack and the effervescent Campellese playing just behind the front two, DSPAFC had taken a 7-1 lead at the interval but few in the crowd could have predicted the catalogue of embarrassments which was to follow. Two Carsons and a couple of Robinsons from Gizzabaldi’s stint between the posts in a 10 minute onslaught saw the swagger return to Colours of Benetton Utd, as they paraded around the arena in their eye-catching home pastel kit.

The goal tally at this point was almost equal to the totted up skying of the match ball, the likes of which we had never before seen. Pre match we had at least two. Another forced Jay-Jay Lohmann to take to his bike to retrieve it and several mid match made the fourth official’s game a confused one with the change of match ball every 4mins.

Coweyscatsi had a blinding return to form much like his hometown team SundIreland. Keano’s influence has made its way down south and he rightly left the field with the match ball. (No one really knows which one but it was the one they did not sky in the final late doors of the encounter). His only fault saw him miss a very very rare penalty. The ever vocal El Darrylinho appeared to have constructed an impregnable conservatory around his goal and made himself big, dancing and effin’ and jeffin’ to put off the seasoned pro. It worked but alas it was not enough. Darrylinho continued his coaching throughout with hollers of: “Back Door”, “Man On”, “Jockey”, "Track Back" and “make some Fu-king Kung-Fu space”. Oh the crowd loved it, especially the under 8’s who had received free passes for the school outing.

Coweyscatsi again appeared to have had further lessons in the Martial Arts and his Shaolin Soccer, wire enhanced, sliding tackle appeared again. Al Kinghali bore the brunt of it and Hansen, Lorro and Barnes all agreed that the media-savvy pro was lucky to not be cautioned. Again world-renowned referee Jorge Satantango saw nothing, his detox still not having given him that clarity both Gizzabaldi and Darrylinho dream of as they peruse the alcohol-free wine-list at the pavilion. 7-5 at the whistle.

Pavilion talk was brief, mainly detox and the Feb Retox. Lee Sharpe and hair products. Marmite MotM by unanimous decision went to C. Coweyscatsi.

Transfer possibilities and managerial unrest featured in the punditry. In: Sheringham, Lee Sharpe and Ginola. All have great hair and are player-manager material. With Makkapakka McClaren still refusing to give team talks except through powerpoint presentations and pre-recorded video, and insisting on conducting his preparation for big matches exclusively through Facebook, DSPAFC's directors are looking to bring back the feelgood factor. They have however told Shearer he can get lost. The hair has got to be right for the job. Gizzabaldi, last week told by DSPAFC that he is surplus to requirements and free to leave the club was snapped during the week by the paps checking out Chinese remedies. What has the modern game come to when a receding hairline is taken as an early indicator of relegation? Jol, Rafa, Gizzabaldi...who’s next for the axe?