Dynamo Staropremium AFC
Weekly Gazette
Vol. 1, issue 1, October 16 2007

Well what a difference a week in football makes. Last night was a right ding-dong of a match. The highs and lows of a real contest. A contest which unfolded not only on the field of play, but even more-so in the minds of the team.

Once more there was a great turn out with all the usual suspects. The weather was again kind to us all and it looked like it was all to play for. Little did we know that all was not well within the ranks of the Dynamo Staropremium camp.

To start with we had a 6 v 6 v 6 (could it have had something to do with the number of the Beast?) session with multiple balls to choose from. The third team comprised the collective psyche of the first choice 12. More of that later.
The Bib controversy of last week took another perplexing but inspired turn. Der Kaiser (AKA the Wolf) bravely took full charge of team selection and allocated the Bibs in an apparently very casual manner. One could see however that this was far from casual in his mind (see photo right). He stroked those red tops, as easily as he strokes the match ball, and distributed them to peeps who on paper may have looked innocuous but which on the glorious green carpet would cohere into a formidable team reminiscent of Derby County circa 1973. It was on and make no mistake about that. The inspired team selection would bring out both the best and the worst of these two star line-ups. The teams lined up, reds v Colours of Benetton United.

It was tasty out there. Watch out England on Wednesday, was at the back of all our minds, as the friction of ‘grass’ on ball was tested to the limit. It was fast, it was skiddy, it was a battle ground. The cries for foul-play were repeatedly dismissed by the referee Jorge Satantango. This was not the jovial, banter-filled Monday of old, "it was fractured and fractious" ((c) Waddo 2007)."There was a change in the air" ((c) Waddo 2007).There were fires in their bellies. A look of determination which would soon boil over into near chaos. So much so that Der Kaiser had to call an old school "time out", as the teams were splattered with not only handbags/manbags, but spat out dummies, the prams whence they came and more.

There has been a very noticeable change in the players since moving to their new ground, mainly in their attire. Last night saw a very different look among the crew. Shin pads were on show by most of the team, perhaps a sign of what was to come. Not to name names, but King, Darrylinho and Conncoggskey (no relation to Conngiggskï) all proudly strutted their stuff and new gear and were brave in the tackle as befits young men in such protective livery.
The score-line did not reflect the effort which was put in by all players this October eve. (Which during the post-match conference, rated a mere 4/10. The lowest of this hard fought season). Cowey (seen below contemplating what might have been) claimed it compared to a West Ham v Millwall encounter of the mid to late eighties, and was worse than the infamous night of the hailstones in late July. The ending was also very controversial, with Gazibaldi (no relation to Gizzabaldi) leaving the pitch with a hamstring injury and Turnbull, having previously broken several metatarsels or something, in his hand in the 34th minute, calling time before the customary "next goal wins" scenario taking place. The controversy arising from Giles thereby being denied his birth-right is destined to endure beyond this season.

In the post match, in the pavilion, the crew discussed the match in the usual booze-fuelled manner. Darrylinho, having coached many high profile stars in the art of 5-a-side (Ian Rush comes to mind), was grilled on the intricate rules - high ball, goal areas, free kicks and the like. Nothing was agreed but it was a hoot.

Waddo even argued that "we should avoid the gargle (beer) next week to see what if any effect it would have". The general feeling of avoiding beer and superfoods however would do us no good whatsoever: "Bo_lox to this", both Cowey and Connciggskey, were heard mumbling. May I add that some have been seen necking a lime and soda prior to their pint and this will have to be looked into. Our saving grace was again those cheeky chappies from the north east who consumed multiple beverages of varying brewing and fermentation styles and made up for any previous wrong-doing by others.

We agreed that next week would see a greater effort by all concerned and we can only look forward to our next encounter.

The Bovril Player of the match award went, by unanimous vote, to A. Woolard (seen below).

(The editor adds, on a personal note: It has come to my attention that some of the team feel I gave a one-sided view of last week’s encounter, for which I do not apologise in any way, shape or form.)
Constantin Connciggskï