Dynamos weather storm at Attic to keep title hopes alive and send 'Brew down

Claptonspecialbrew Athletic 8
DSPAF 8

Att. 22.345

Well what went on this blustery, blistering and ball-bashing eve at home of the North London phenomenon that is Claptonspecialbrew Athletic?
Much , I tell you, much more than anyone could have envisaged and make no mistake.
With the endless injury lists, overseas commitments and scouting trips the squad had diminished to almost unplayable levels. At least that is what the tabloid talk was all about. "No-one's sure what team will turn up tonight," wrote Matt LeTissier in his column 'Inside the footballing mind'.

They know nothing about the true grit and determination of these warriors of the field. Nothing was going to stop these pros from their 90mins of ball-kicking to and fro-ing. "At the end of the day the 'Brew went down reluctantly leaving a nauseating aftertaste", commented Gaby Logan.

It looked doomed from the Friday shout out to the crew with Gizzabaldi and Turnbulletin both on scouting trips with monsieur Platini, Wolfkaiser in talks with Mr Hicks as a possible replacement for Rafa, Al Kinghali along with others in the Oxygen tent, Gosh it was OFF. But No, the hard-core grafters of the team, the Home Boys rallied together for a spectacular 3v3.

The heavens opened, but this did nothing to dampen the spirits of the Ladz. Hell no!
Roperaroo dispensed the bibs with confidence, almost floating the Hi-viz tops to the chosen few.

IT WAS ON!

A strange yet attack minded formation was obvious from the Off.
Teams:
Roperaroo... Conngiggski.....Coweyscatsi
V
Campellese....El Darrylinho........Waddolucci

The crowd cheered with joy in anticipation of what was bound to be a tight, high tempo and low scoring game. The game plan was set: attacking 3 versus a defensive 3 and vice-versa. It was end-to-end stuff and no shortening of the field either. Full length or an early bath was the cry.

The St Johns Ambulance crew had to administer 2 full packs of Polos and 2 individual Werthers Originals to the crowd for Ye Olde Repetitatitatitative Straine Injurie of the neck, such was the tempo of the game. Some say it was like watching every Tiger Tim Henman defeat at Wimbledon 1985 to 2006.

The keepers had a ‘Mare, it must be said: where were they? Some of the restless crowd compared the lack of stability 'tween the bark, to that of Grobbelaar and Barthez in their pomp. Where the F-ck were they? Abroad many said. How right they were. Gaping holes in defence were evident early doors, in fact from minute 3 on the clock. Cramp and fatigue were some of the ailments suffered for the cause this night. The now apparent super-sized onion sack was there for the taking, but a goal fest was not to be. Crowd pleasing was the game-plan this eve. What a feast for the eyes this was.

El Darrylinho was back to his old tricks, piledriving from every angle. The protractor was out as he worked his way through the full 180 degrees at his disposal. Waddolucci found new form in curling a few beauties, yet still finding time to berate his colleagues when he had an allotment of space to pass to. Campellese was at his 9-5 favourite at the 3.30 at White City best, almost spin drying himself with his ferocious runs from defence.

Roperaroo was dogged in defence and, during a live broadcast from the Pavilion Gavin Peacock declared him a "non insubstantial Obstacle" to negotiate; he was also staking his long-established claim on the Kleenex Menthol Fair-Play award with clean tackling to complement his quick passing.

Coweyscatsi as ever found the energy for the full 90, looking sharp and he too took a few curlers into the sac d’oignons. Conngiggskï had a cameo role, and was likened by Jan Mölby to “the Duracel bunny running out of steam culminating in him breakdancing on the D like that fella Leroy from FAME in the 80's”.

Highlights included a real treat, with Waddo and El Darylinho using the Bark as the 4th man. Ping goes Darrylinho’s piledriver, pong goes Waddo’s volleyed reply again off the bark. For once the Campellese legs let down their proud owner for the triple.

It was a treat, the crowd thought Christmas had come early, as did the players.
The score-line was a tad confused, however, at ‘next goal wins’. At this point they were level at 8-8.

The final goal however will be investigated, as Coweyscatsi was retrieving the ball when the players and officials discussed ‘next goal wins’ scenario. He returned to the field with info from neither referee Jorge Satantango nor the fourth official and that’s not the way we end the game. So from a likely 13-8 scoreline we ended it in a draw. With but one fixture between now and the Dynamos’ debut on the swards of a verdant south east London playing field, the highest paid bench in the Premiership will be the site for some repartee straight out of the top drawer next week as subs try to talk and sing their way back into the first 11. Under the watchful eye of Dynamos supremo Juande Vamos , the Dry Karaoke nights with which the squad have had to content themselves of late will be the scene for some interesting head-to-heads in the lead-up to next week’s fixture against Peckhamwoodpeckercider AFC who, according to Peckhamwoodpeckercider supremo Sammy Smallerdyce “just need 6 points to stay up and another one or two to avoid relegation.”